the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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