Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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