her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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