Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
