Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
