If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
