Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
