I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
