she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We are two peas in an std pod
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
