Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
