Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
