He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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