If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
