I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
