i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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