I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
