did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
