I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
