paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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