well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
