So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
