me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
