Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
