currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
