That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
