i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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