let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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