operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
