Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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