You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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