i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
