What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
