He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
