Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
