we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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