So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
