Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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