How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
