alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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