Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
