C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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