im drinking this country out of the recession.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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