toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
