I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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