great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
