; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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