she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
