these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
