I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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