You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
