Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
