She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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