what day is it and did you see me today?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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