youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
