i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We have started to decorate penises.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
