it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
