The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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