I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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