I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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