She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
