The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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