just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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