Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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