Im at strip club and am horny
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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